Tag: reflection

Glorifying being busy

Glorifying being busy

Why does it always seem like there is a competition of who is the busiest, who has the most stress and who works the longest hours?

When I decided my intention word of 2023 would be Balance, I made the call to try and find more balance in my life this year. To try to push back on the busy culture, find better work life balance, time for me, quality time with the kids, and not fill every moment. However I feel like this has meant I am noticing more than ever how we glorify being busy. As much as I try I still fall in the trap. When asked how my day is going the automatic answer is something like “good but busy/crazy/hectic”. It is like I feel saying it is a good day is not enough. Do we worry that we are seen as lazy if we are not busy and stressed?

When asking someone how their weekend is it seems they have a need to have a long list of activities they have done. I noticed my youngest who is 11 is constantly asking where we are going next as he feels a need to fill each day with activities like he thinks his friends do.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t have the balance right yet. I work full time, am a single mum with two kids. Some days are long and full and I limp across the line at the end glad when it is bedtime. Other days I manage downtime, meditation, baking or catching up with friends. Each day for the last month I have found time for a walk to centre myself while listening to a podcast or talking to my youngest if he joins me.

What worries me is that I have friends who are always busy, their life is always a drama and they never have time to catch up. When their life actually goes through a rough patch, as all our lives inevitably do at some stage, will other people notice? If you always answer that life is crazy, you have no time, work too hard and can’t take a breath or minute to yourself, what happens when it actually occurs. When you are really in that state is it a case of boy who cries wolf and no one notices? Do your friends stop asking because they know how you will answer?

With three weeks left of March I am going to try and pause when people ask how my day is going and not automatically answer with busy. More importantly, I am going to try and make sure that I don’t have to answer busy because I am starting to get closer to the Balance I desire. With my kids quickly growing up why do I want to look back and realise I missed the moments because I was too busy. Where is the glory in that?

If I knew then…

If I knew then…

If I knew then what I know now, would I still be in the same career?

Don’t get me wrong I like my job. Like every job there are good and bad days but in general I like what I do. And as a manager I love my team who are supportive of me and their fellow team members.

However the other day I caught myself thinking about what would have happened if all those years ago I understood my passions and what parts of work I enjoy the most. Would I have gone in a different direction?

When I was young I always wanted to be a primary school teacher. Maybe that was because I saw women doing it every day. I don’t really remember there being any male teachers at my primary school but it was a long time ago.

As I moved into high school I got more creative. I had always been a dancer but I added every form of arts and graphics I could into my school schedule in my later secondary school years.

So when I finished school I naturally thought about what I could do to continue these interests, especially graphic design. As you needed science, which I had dropped as soon as I could, to go into architecture I started to lean towards advertising. Incredibly competitive and difficult to get into I went and studied business/advertising.

Life rarely goes as planned and after I finished studying I needed a job, which was very hard to find with my qualification. So I took a job that was close to home, interested me a bit, and allowed me to use a few of my skills. That job led to another job starting at my current employer.

There I showed a keen interest and passion in Training and development so a role was created. Fast forward many years and many roles and I am still working in the Learning space at that company. Isn’t it funny how I started wanting to work in teaching with young kids at the start of their journey and ended up working in Learning at the other end of the cycle with adults in the workplace.

Over the last few years I have spent a lot of time working on my mental health and well-being, self awareness and understanding my triggers and strategies. Through this I developed a passion for these topics and read books and articles, listen to podcasts and discuss with other people. Through reflection I realise the parts of my job I love the most are when I am connecting or helping others. In my team we are often discussing work life balance, mental health and burnout. Problem solving with them to come up with solutions to their work issues, or developing and mentoring people in the organisation are things I look forward to and plan to increase over the next few years. I have been known to “geek out” when I discover new solutions to trial to help my team or our customers.

In my home life, I am a single mum to two boys – one tween and one teen. That brings a whole new level of understanding and skills in this area, especially as one of them grapples with mental health issues.

When I reflect on where life has taken me so far over my 25 years of working I love that I have ended up in a place where I have the opportunity to support and develop other people. However if I knew then what I know now about my passion for mental health and well-being, and my quest to understand human behaviour and emotions would I have taken a different path?

Back to blogging

Back to blogging

It has been over a year since I posted on this blog.

When I reflect on why, I don’t have a definitive answer. The last few years have been crazy – Covid, lockdowns, home schooling, and basically learning a new way of life. However over the last year this has settled and life has become closer to normal.

I think that it is due to a combination of feeling too busy, spending time focusing on my mental health and self awareness, and thinking nothing interesting was happening in my life that was worth sharing.

Last week I sat down and wrote my intentions for the year. I never set resolutions as I think they set you up for failure. if I say I will exercise five times a week and don’t in the second week of the year what does that do to my motivation and mental state? I also never set my intentions in the first week as I feel I need time to settle after Christmas and New Years chaos to be able to go through the process.

Intentions are statements about how I want my year to go. This year I set six intentions as well as a word of the year which is Balance. I have never had a word of the year before but read about others who do it and loved the premise. Balance sums up how I want my year to go but will mean letting go of some of my perfectionist tendencies which will be hard.

Working through my intentions for the year I realised how much I get out of blogging. I enjoy writing and being creative but need something I can do in small amounts of time. It is good for mental health to share thoughts and ideas and not internalise everything (which I am working on getting better at). It allows me to process what is happening in my life, connect with others and hopefully put content out that is interesting to others.

So for those that follow my blog…I am back. And for those who have just discovered this blog….welcome and I hope you enjoy my content.

If you set intentions each year I’d love to hear your process or what you’ve discovered about yourself while doing it.

Mid life awakening

Mid life awakening

As I get closer to my mid forties (not quite there but close) I find that there are parts of my life that I am changing and other parts that I am questioning. I think this is quite natural for people in this age group.

My kids are still young but getting more and more independent and growing fast. I guess that gives me the headspace to start thinking about what my life currently is and what direction I want to move in.

As per previous posts, I have started to further align parts of my life to my values. I have also started reading books on topics of interest, especially around health, and now that my leg has improved I am getting back to walking and exercising.

All of this makes me question other parts of my life. What should I do for work? What will fulfil me and align to my values for another 20 years of working life (unless I win tattslotto). At the moment stability and flexibility are keeping me where I am in a time that is so uncertain.

So for now I am staying where I am and finding challenges and fulfilment in other areas of my life.

So I don’t believe I am going through a mid life crisis, I’m certainly not rushing out to buy a sports cart. Therefore I am calling it a mid life awakening where I am more aware of who I am and what is important to me. What is in my future? Watch this space.

Back to basics

Back to basics

It has been nearly a year and a half since I have written a post on my blog. And what a year and a half it has been.

COVID has turned the world, and everyone’s lives,upside down. In Australia we are lucky, the pandemic has not hit to the scale of most other countries. But there has still been an impact – watching number of cases and deaths, hotspots, lockdowns, homeschooling and loss of jobs.

I was a lucky one – I kept my job the whole time, nobody in my immediate family or friends got sick, but the emotional toll and stress of it all, of being busier than ever at work while also homeschooling, of changes to parenting plans, of uncertainty and trying to comfort my kids while being stressed took an impact on me. Early last year I hit a low point and unlike other times made sure I reached out for help.

So I have spent the last year and a half working on my health and well being, as well as supporting my kids through their own struggles which have included surgery and recovery for my eldest. The time has been spent going back to basics which for me means exercise, sleep, what I eat, meditation and connections with people. Throw in a great psychologist and time with my kids. It has been time spent working out who I am, how I want my life to be, and what values are important to me. It has been a time to show my children that this is a safe space to discuss whatever they need, and where they can raise concerns and issues without judgement.

I also allow my kids to see that I have good days and bad, that sometimes I cry, that sometimes I’m mad, that I know how to apologise and that I always know there are things to be grateful for. And everyday they know I love them and am here for them.

Because let’s be honest, something good that can come from all of this is working out what is important. And to me that is my families health, wellbeing and strength together.

Hope you are all well, getting back to basics and reaching out for help when you need it. There are things to be grateful for everyday – sometimes you just have to dig a little deeper to find them.

Do you know your triggers?

Do you know your triggers?

Everyone has triggers. Things that seem insignificant to most people but make you react in a way that you know may be irrational.

I was reminded of this last night when watching I’m a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here. Perez Hilton acted irrationally/over the top when he thought someone was disrespectful to another camp mate. He admitted later people he thought were disrespecting his family are a huge trigger for him.

I watch my son who has been through multiple surgeries and procedures. Anything medical is a trigger for him now – even going to the dentist or GP. Today we had an appointment for something minor at the GP and he ended up in tears and distraught about a needle there is a small chance he will need in a week.

I have a few triggers that I am aware of and others catch me by surprise. I have been triggered by things that remind me of the downfall of my marriage, where I am frustrated by medical ambiguity and long waits in hospital waiting rooms.

Two weeks ago I read an article that was written by my ex. It was to help get support and fundraising for the charity that helps with my sons condition. So it was for a great cause and for all the right reasons. However the language he used was apparently a massive trigger for me and sent me into a downward spiral of anxiety that lasted for two days. I found some new ways to settle my anxiety a little (jigsaws work well as my brain and hands are occupied and concentrating on something else). A couple of days later I was feeling more settled but I was shocked at how it had impacted me. And while I am rational about it right now I know that I will probably be triggered by this again.

It is an interesting thought though – what do you know is a trigger for you? Or have you not discovered yours yet?

Starting with intention

Starting with intention

Happy new year everyone.

This year I am taking the advice of another and have started by taking some time to reflect on the year gone by and set my intentions for the year ahead. This is very different to setting resolutions which is something I have never been big on as I think it sets you up for feeling like a failure when you slip up.

I am very big on being grateful for what I have and have written about this before. Every night I take the time to record three things I am grateful for – even on a rough day I manage to find three things (sometimes it does include things like take away food after a hard day). I also encourage my kids to think of the best thing from their day over dinner to try and show you can always find good moments even in the toughest days. And from January 1st I have started journaling about one of my three gratitude points as it is said that reliving the point provides the benefits of when you experienced it the first time – reducing stress and helping you feel calmer. This is perfect before bed and something I have planned to do for a while however wasn’t in the right headspace the last few months.

So getting back to how I have started my year. The first part is to reflect on the year gone by. What happened, what am I grateful for and what did I learn.

Then I set my intentions for the year ahead. What do I want to do, what do I want to reduce and what am I grateful for at this time of my life. And unlike resolutions there is no failure and giving up if I don’t achieve. It is more about setting the direction I would like my year to go and things I would like for us to try and achieve/do together as a family.

I found it a really positive and clarifying experience and have shared my answers with my boys. I did also give them the same sheets to the boys and discovered something. Everything they could remember for the last year happened in the last few weeks other than one major event. Which I guess is why it is important to talk about our days a the time while it is fresh in their mind.

Wishing you all an amazing new year/decade that is full of moments you are grateful for.

Friendships

Friendships

I have a small eclectic group of friends that have been gathered from different times throughout my life – family, school, work, marriage, becoming a parent. And I truly believe some friends are around for the long term and others come in and out of your life. Many people you meet during school or work are friends for the purpose and time and when you move on and no longer have that in common the friendship has run its course.

It is always so much harder for adults, or even older children, to make friends than young children. My youngest used to have a new best friend every time he went to the playground when he was little. And when we moved into our current house he made friends with the boys across the road on day one and they are still going strong two years later.

But how do you know, as an adult, when some friendships have run their course? Especially if you are the one who normally reaches out, makes contact, organises get togethers. When circumstances change in your lives – work schedules, children’s activities, kids with health issues – how do you know if it is life getting in the way or the change of the type of friendship?

In many of my friendships I naturally take on the role of organiser, have for many years. But over the last couple of years I have seen a change in a couple of friendships where I feel like maybe it is just me trying to hold on to what was so important in the past. As I reach out less due to circumstances, I also get frustrated at them not reaching out more. But is that fair given the role I have taken in the past? I also worry that maybe they just don’t want to hear about the issues that have consumed my life over that time anymore. and while I am in a better place these days and more accepting of what my new normal is, it is still my new normal and therefore the main topic of many conversations.

So how do you know? And do you just confront them and talk about it or ride the waves and see where they lead? I am not sure I have the answer to that yet and possibly it is different with each friend. My oldest friend (nearly 30 years since we met) and I can be honest and bring it up, with others I am just not so sure.

One thing I do know is that it is not see easy to make new friends as you get older. maybe tomorrow I should go to a coffee shop, start talking to someone and announce that she is my new friend…..it works for five year olds!!

Finding the way back to me

As per my last post the last couple of years (and especially the last 12 months) have been the start of a new normal for me

I am used to my new normal and the routine required. I have some things I do everyday for my self care and sanity – meditation and gratitude journal and usually exercise. But since my surgery I have been unable to exercise except for some light walking. The absence of exercise along with eating worse than normal while on holidays has really thrown out my sleeping and I turn my motivation, mood and energy levels.

So this weekend (including Friday as I don’t work!) I decided to start trying to find my way back to me.

First I took time to have a long slow breakfast after taking the boys to school which is good for relaxing and self care.

  • I got back to painting my back room which has been an on and off project over the year and finished this over the weekend. Improving my house and completing projects I had started it is good for my motivation
  • I had time to myself while the boys were with there dad for dinners I wanted and a Netflix binge fest. More self care and relaxing.
  • I went shopping for birthday presents and camp requirements for my eldest and bought myself three items of clothing
      • 1 x jumpsuit I had been eyeing off for a while and want for an event coming up
      1 x pair of pants that are similar to some I already have and wear constantly
      1 x top that I bought because I loved the colour, it was pretty and it made me feel good

    I went for a walk with the dog, did some of the physio exercises and started some upper body exercises so that it didn’t impact my leg. My body was a bit sore for it but it was a good sore.

    Painted my toenails, because I can finally reach them again just in time for the good weather that is starting and that means strapped shoes.

    Planned out my vege garden and planted seeds with my eldest. Home grown vegetables are great and anything that grabs my sons interest and isn’t a screen is a huge win.

    Meal planned, shopped and baked cupcakes for snacks this week and lasagna for two nights dinners to make my week a little easier.

    This is the point where I should point out the boys were with their dad for most of the weekend. There is no way I could have been this productive otherwise.

    And the big thing for this weekend my usual Sunday 4pm slump (you know the one where you realise that the weekend is over and work is the next day) didn’t hit until 6.30. I take that as a massive step forward.

    Reflecting on the past year

    Reflecting on the past year

    One year ago today I picked up the keys to my house.

    This was a big moment for us. A year earlier I had separated from my husband and moved myself and my two boys into a rental while we sold our family home. It was a rough time for everyone and I knew the boys felt unsettled. So it was a relief to me when I bought the house and could provide more stability for my family.

    The house I bought had not been looked after well which meant it was in my price range but also that while liveable I knew there was a lot of work ahead to make it our dream home.

    So one year on it was nice to reflect on what I done to move towards my dream home.

    • Closed a door way in the third bedroom and added a window. It was a weird room from renovations by the previous owners that left the bedroom with no windows and two doors.
    • Removed the wall separating the two back rooms to make one large room that can become a large toy room/Playstation room/guest room.
    • Fixed multiple issues with plumbing, heating and electrical work as well as adding ventilation in bathrooms and extra power points (how do you cope with a single power point per room?)

    This is probably where I should point out that I did not personally do these and a builder, electrician and plumber did this work.

    • Painted the second and third bedrooms in full.
    • Bought a lot of furniture as I took very little when I separated.
    • Removed a skip full of garbage from the backyard and then, with a lot of help from my father, added vegetable garden, tidied existing garden beds and added new plants.

    I have now moved on to the large back room and am trying to stay motivated as it will be great when it is done and the boys have a great space for when friends are over.

    One year on, in reflection, it is not yet my dream home, but it is home. It is our space and more of our personalities are being reflected in it every day. I wonder what my reflection will be like in another year.